She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
