Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
