Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
