I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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