Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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