I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
