do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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