Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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