Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
