Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
