Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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