She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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