Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
