last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
