My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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