Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
