So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
