I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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