I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
