Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize