We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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