I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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