I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
