Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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