Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
