Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize