Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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