make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
