Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
