Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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