Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
