I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
