What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize