I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
