He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
there is puke in my bra ... again
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