I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
