I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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