Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
