every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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