Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize