she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
