Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
