she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i drank out of a bidet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
