You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize