How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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