Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize