My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
