He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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