i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just googled if crying burns calories
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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