i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
