This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
