I got her a Nickelback box set.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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