Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
