I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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