Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do vagina's smell?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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