i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
