Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
