sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
