Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
