She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
