i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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