Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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