Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
