My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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