I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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