no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
