you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
