Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Of course I have a pirate flag
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
