Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize