I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My cat gives me a boner
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
