so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
