I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
