I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
