That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
