I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
