My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
