I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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