I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
