its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
