you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
