wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
