She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
