hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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