Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize