Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
