Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
