i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
