I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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