hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
