i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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