If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
