He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
