Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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